Federation Soccer

The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain

2008-10-22T10:43:00.003-05:00

Portsmouth players are going to school to learn what the hell Harry Redknapp is actually saying. The French players shouldn't have too hard a time - the 'h' is always silent. Zing! Maybe Juande Ramos should send his players to school so they'll be able to understand him! Oh man, the hits just keep on comin'.

The exception proves the rule

2008-10-22T10:26:00.000-05:00

Tottenham's loss to Stoke this weekend made a fantastic argument against instituting a salary cap in European soccer. For the past three years Spurs have brought in big names in order to topple the hegemony of the Big Four, but they currently sit at the bottom of the table, the only team yet to win a game this season. If this unlikely scenario holds, Tottenham will undoubtedly fire their coach and sell off the highest-paid players. Is this not the exact kind of situation the promotion/relegation system was designed to create?

Not to belabor the point, but let's review the tasks of the key members of a club. It is the job of the ownership to provide the funding and overall direction for the club. It is the job of the manager to effectively discover and motivate talented players. It is the job of the players to execute the plans of the manager. The clubs who succeed at all three are rewarded with trophies while the ones who fail are relegated to lower divisions. Currently Tottenham is failing at all three areas and deserve to fall out of the Premier League if they cannot produce more positive results.

Such an obvious example of incompetence would not be as clear with a salary cap in place. The mismanagement by Juande Ramos could be obscured with the excuse that he does not have the players he needs to execute his gameplan. No such excuse exists when the manager is allowed to bring in players with the talent of Luka Modric, David Bentley and Roman Pavyluchenko.

The spots at the top might be dominated by the highest spenders, but spending alone does not secure a trophy. Good management is vital, and Tottenham have proven that with the abundant lack they possess.

Opening Whistle 10-20-08

2008-10-20T08:00:00.000-05:00

Photo of the Year. No, not the dog, the one with the corner flag. [100 Percent Soccer]

Last I checked, a shortlist didn't have two dozen players. It's more like five. [Mercury]

David Beckham allowed to train with AC Milan, which is good since AC Milan could use some publicity for no good reason. [Scotsman]

Jose Mourinho at least realizes he has a finite shelf life wherever he goes. [FourFourTwo]

Tottenham: Can't smile without you, can't expect sensible transfer market moves with you. [The Cannon]

Yet another reason nobody will miss Bolton

2008-10-17T13:56:00.000-05:00

More proof for why I hate Bolton: they have to tempt their fans with beer just to show up. I can't wait until they're relegated. You might think I'm just being contrary but each fan (of the first 1000) gets only one free beer. Whoopee. I can think of a lot better things to give away at a Bolton game:

Any ball that ends up in the back of the net with the scorer's signature (don't worry, it'll be the other team)
A night out with your favorite Bolton player as wingman
The opportunity to design a jersey because they obviously need help
Tryouts
Hope

Opening Whistle 10-16-08

2008-10-16T08:00:00.000-05:00

The seven bids for an MLS expansion team are in. Does Arthur Blank really think he has a chance? [MLS Expansion and Development]

Photoshop fun with Joe F*****g Kinnear! [Guardian]

If a Holiday Inn in Zimbabwe were to charge by the hour, I'd imagine it would have to give a different rate each hour to match inflation. [Unprofessional Foul]

Man, nobody is happy with the decision not to play this week's Champions League match at Vincente Calderon. [The Sun]

If Jamaica beats Canada by seven goals to knock Mexico out of the World Cup qualifiers, I will dance naked to Bob Marley in the streets of Toronto. That's a promise. [Sideline Views]

Blog Action Day

2008-10-15T10:35:00.000-05:00

The theme of this year's Blog Action Day is poverty, a blight many soccer fans hear about but few experience. We'll hear about the superstar who came from a tiny, desolate village in Africa and feel amazement at their struggle for 15 seconds then chide them for missing a cross.

For every Didier Drogba or Emmanuel Adebayor, there are thousands of others left behind. For this reason I want you to go to Grassroot Soccer and see what you can do to help. Their mission is to stem the tide of HIV infections across Africa. You might be thinking, "Uhh, the theme today is poverty, moron," but consider this: when a child loses his/her parents to HIV, what chance does that child have of learning the skills necessary to rise out of the poverty to which he/she has been born?

Poverty is a symptom of a larger disease and there are several ways to work toward its defeat. I encourage you to visit my friends at Soccer Overload and Hugging Harold Reynolds to learn more about what you can do to reduce poverty in our world.

Aage is Norwegian for Eeyore

2008-10-14T16:27:00.000-05:00

Norway's national team coach Aage Hareide sure is bad about firing up his players before their World Cup qualifier against the Netherlands. He's not playing the 'NOBODY RESPECTS US' card or even the 'We've got nothing to lose so let's give 'em hell' card. He's already resigned to his fate and hopes "they have a bad day."

Even worse, he expects the fans to understand their terrible, horrible, no good, very bad situation. "I hope the home crowd understand how difficult this match will be. That will make it easier for them to support us then," said the Norwegian pansy.

Hey, Norway FA: fire this douchebiscuit today. He's embarrassing your country.

Image courtesy Cardboard Standups

The Epic Tale of Osasuna

2008-10-14T11:01:00.000-05:00

In the faraway land of Pamplona, a traveling mage guild by the name of Osasuna wanders the land of Spain, seeking fortune and immortality...or at least the Copa del Rey.

These wizards conduct fierce battles against other nomadic tribes who want to claim the spoils as their own. In order to defeat these evil sorcerers, the mages of Osasuna must be able to cast spells that only defend themselves from harm but also those which inflict pain on their opponents to the point of surrender.

In six battles our heroes have only allowed a telling strike merely four times, yet in none of those duels have they emerged the victors. The benefactor for the Osasuna guild, Patxi Izco, has determined his young warriors need a new leader, a man who can teach both the protective and destructive arts.

"Aratoha milacho torneda! Zap! You are now relegated!"

Jose Antonio Camacho, the fate of this guild lies in your hands. To be continued...

Opening Whistle 10-14-08

2008-10-14T08:00:00.000-05:00

Cow balls. That's all I have to say; you'll click on it. [Football Shirt Blog]

Keith Harris has a cooler job than you do. [ESPN]

An interesting look at which clubs owe which banks. Oh, and Bolton may be screwed. [Guardian]

Italian fans just suck all over. [Scotsman]

Houston and Madrid, sister cities. [MLS Rumors Rumors]

The stock symbol is IGNT

2008-10-13T12:16:00.000-05:00

With England's FA threatening to boycott a friendly against Spain because of slurs suffered by some of the English players four years ago, I thought it was time to take a look at the rising costs of racism. We will assume a flat fee per player. Otherwise I have to break out the exponential graphs and nobody wants to look at that on a Monday.

2004

Slurs against five players: $88,340
Cost of slurs per player: $17,668

2008

Slurs against one player: $26,500
Cost of slurs per player: $26,500 (If that was hard stop reading now. Please.)

That comes out to an average rate of increase of 10.67% (trust me, I have an MBA). What a return! In these troubled economic times, racist idiots are the only people we can truly count on. Invest in ignorance today!

Opening Whistle 10-13-08

2008-10-13T08:00:00.000-05:00

OK, finally back in the saddle. Time to get crackin'...

Bernd Schuster got bored during the international break, so he just had to start sh*t again. [The Sun]

If you haven't seen the Jamaican goal that beat Mexico, see it now while we can still be friends. [The Original Winger]

Maurice Edu still rocks the red jersey in digital form for all the Canadians longing to have him back. [FanHouse]

Yes, FIFA could make the world a slightly better place, but then 25% of this blog wouldn't exist. It's all about priorities. [Independent]

Congrats to the Vancouver Whitecaps, your 2008 USL Champions! [Globe and Mail]

We have a visitor, mind your manners

2008-10-10T15:38:00.003-05:00

Thanks to a hectic travel schedule, you get an extra special guest post. Today's author is Jeff Tobin, who writes for American Soccer News.

“Failure is an Option”

The top things I learned about being an unpaid soccer journalist:

The Polish media like to embarrass themselves and they are completely self-unaware of this fact. Not ALL Polish media, but at least the guy who was allowed into the David Beckham and Bruce Arena press conference after their loss on September 25th.

During the press conference, while journalists were instructed to ask questions to Bruce Arena first, a gentlemen who introduced himself representing “Polish fans from Europe” asked Mr. David Beckham (swoons – the “reporter” not Beckham), “How is it in the United States and what do you think of Morrissey?” The latter part of the sentence may or may not be true but I listened to the recording 12 times and it still sounds like he asks about Morrissey and I now can’t get the hook from “The More You Ignore Me the Closer I Get” which could be fitting but “There is a Light That Never Goes Out” could also work in this case. Beckham obliged because he may be the nicest and richest man I have ever met, but he provided a standard, “I have enjoyed my time here.”

A mocking energy filled the room for moments as Grant Wahl, Luis Arroyave, and about a dozen poorly placed photographers snapped away as a man, a right-footed soccer player, answered a question that was barely appropriate last summer, unless you work for US Weekly. There are stupid questions.

Another thing I learned is that the Galaxy has a great opportunity to make my favorite blog, http://failblog.org/, next to this one of course.

The Galaxy had been deemed a “Superclub” by former General Manager Alexi Lalas in the past and currently, they are on pace to not make the playoffs AGAIN despite having Beckham and Landon Donovan. Not making the MLS playoffs is hard to do in one year, but two years!? Yahoo Seriously folks.

This is what Arena had to say to me directly as I asked him about his playoff chances in front of paid journalists, ““I feel confident that we are going to give it a great effort. I can’t tell you whether we are going to do it (make the playoffs). Obviously we are a bit behind the eight ball and all we can try to do is make progress as a team and go out and perform up to our capabilities each and every week. If we win tonight, we are 3rd in our conference. We aren’t that far behind. If we don’t win games, we don’t have a chance. It’s likely we’ll need to win three of them to have a chance.”

One down and three more games to go as LA failed last week against the Columbus Crew: The same Crew that is coached by Sigi Schmidt. This is the same Schmidt that was fired from the Galaxy even though he won the championship and had a first place team. Pile on the fact that Donovan and Beckham will be away on international duty against Cuba and Kazakhstan leaving Pete Vagenas, Greg Vanney, and Edson Buddle to beat Toronto to even have a chance to stay in consideration of the playoffs.

Lastly, Chad Barrett, who has a chance to break the 10 goal mark in MLS against the Galaxy, will have a chance to help his team make the playoffs. This is important because, besides John Thorrington and possibly Jon Busch, I have never seen a player take losses and defeat the way Chad Barrett did in his time in Chicago. He suffered for his team giving all of his blood, guts, and body salt while usually leaving them on the field in the 70th minute mark. You can’t blame a guy with low sodium content for not being able to go 90. He hustled all game, chased every ball and when the team won, he was ecstatic regardless if he scored or not. If he didn’t score , he would often call himself out especially during his slump after the demolition of the Red Bulls on May 25th. He was a class act for Chicago and his competitive nature will be missed.

And in life and blogging, you want to end on a positive note.

Please stand by...

2008-10-09T09:37:00.000-05:00

Sorry for the lack of posts yesterday. The same's going to hold true today and probably into Friday. Stupid real life taking over. If you're good I'll bring in a guest blogger.

Opening Whistle 10-8-08

2008-10-08T08:00:00.000-05:00

"I know whose clothing they'll be getting for Christmas." Because nothing says cool like Championship football. [Canada.com]

Looks like I'm not the only one battering Blatter. This guy says it much better, though, since he's a professional and all. [Times Online]

Hope you weren't planning on seeing a Ligue 1 game at the end of this month. [The Offside]

Grant Wahl's book on Beckham and LA Galaxy is going to be awesome. [FanNation via Going to the Mat]

I just want the shirt. [Forza Futbol]

UEFA Cup Draw Analysis

2008-10-07T15:19:00.001-05:00

Group A

Schalke
PSG
Manchester City
Racing Santander
Twente

Schalke and Manchester City should make it through easily. I'm going to give the last berth to Racing since they and PSG are in roughly the same place in their domestic tables and La Liga, as we all know, is a hell of a lot harder than Ligue 1. Oh, and Twente are disqualified on account of Steve McClaren being their manager.

Group B

Benfica
Olympiacos
Galatasaray
Hertha Berlin
Metalist Kharkiv

The top three clubs in this group spend just as much time in Champions League, so I'm going to be boring and say they advance to the knockout rounds. But before we move on, I have a question for the Bundesliga aficionados: why does Berlin not have a stronger team? Munich, Bremen, Stuttgart, and even Hamburg have experienced more success over the past decade than Berlin. What gives?

Group C

Sevilla
Stuttgart
Sampdoria
Partizan
Standard Liege

Probably tied with Group F (who you will see soon) for Group of Death status. It's just a shame Racing Santander couldn't have found their way into this group and taken Partizan's place. Sampdoria's current form gives me the opportunity to not automatically throw in the top three teams. Standard Liege take their place at the knockout rounds, especially given their Champions League qualifier against Liverpool.

Group D

Tottenham
Spartak Moscow
Udinese
Dinamo Zagreb
NEC Nijmegen

Tottenham have received a draw they could potentially escape. Luka Modric will get to face his old club, Dinamo Zagreb, which is always fun. I hope that one's in Croatia. Udinese should walk in this one with no problem. I think the final spot comes down to which team in the Spartak/Dinamo match gets home field. That's code for "I have no idea what's going on."

Group E

AC Milan
Heerenveen
Braga
Portsmouth
Wolfsburg

I'm still rejoicing over AC Milan's demotion to the UEFA Cup. I just don't like them. They'll advance past the group stage, though, along with Heerenveen and Portsmouth. Crouch and Defoe have formed the classic big man/small man forward partnership and will only get better as the season progresses.

Group F

Hamburg
Ajax
Slavia Prague
Aston Villa
MSK Zilina

I'm not just saying this because it's Villa, but why are all these Premier League teams in the fourth pool? Oh well, I still think they'll make it, but just barely. Hamburg is assuredly in since they're three points clear of the rest of Bundesliga. Ajax, OUT. Klaas-Jan Huntelaar is going to be on everyone's January wish list at the rate his team is falling. Slavia Prague get the final spot.

Group G

Valencia
Club Brugge
Rosenborg
FC Kobenhavn
Saint-Etienne

Umm, yeah, this group hardly matters. Valencia rock; we all know that. Club Brugge would go to the top of the Belgian league if they were to win their game in hand...but it's Belgium. Rosenborg and FC Kobenhavn (Copenhagen, obv) are from Scandanavia, soooooo, whatever. And finally, Saint-Etienne isn't even in the top half of the Ligue 1 table right now. Let's go Valencia, Brugge and Kobenhavn just so nobody has to travel to Norway in February.

Group H

CSKA Moscow
Deportivo La Coruna
Feyenoord
AS Nancy-Lorraine
Lech Poznan

If Groups C and F are the Groups of Death, then I hereby declare Group H the Group of Cupcakes. Let's start from the bottom. Lech Poznan are a Polish side, so they've got about a 0.00002% chance anyway. AS Nancy-Lorraine is even further down the French table than Saint-Etienne. Feyenoord wouldn't even qualify for the Intertoto Cup playoffs if the Dutch season ended today. Deportivo are firmly in the middle of the La Liga table. CSKA Moscow is the only team in this group that's playing well at all right now, currently second in the Russian leagues, so they're in by default. I guess I'll go with Deportivo and Feyenoord as the final two teams because it just doesn't matter. Why couldn't Villa have gotten in this group?

Thanks for the image, Wikipedia!

Sepp Blatter's Narrow Worldview

2008-10-07T09:49:00.000-05:00

It's only fitting that my 100th post on this blog address the globalization of soccer, one of the biggest issues and one I care strongly about.

Sepp Blatter has called once again for the provincialization (I think I just made up a word) of soccer, calling for tighter restrictions on club ownership. Had Blatter simply called for better oversight of club finances to ensure every owner or group of owners has enough resources to keep their clubs afloat, I would have applauded his prudence. Unfortunately the FIFA president has decided to leverage the current economic climate to forward his personal agenda. Blatter has long wished for European soccer to return to the days of hyperlocal sport and there is no better opportunity to see that wish come true.

From a financial viewpoint, his argument is sound. Club owners are responsible for the livelihoods of thousands of people. A sudden downturn in an owner's financial situation could cause a chain reaction, threatening the continuity of the league. One idea: no individual is allowed to own an entire club unless the prospective owner can show the league that the money needed to run the club is in a sufficiently low-risk and liquid place. The idea is to minimize risk by either diversifying or guaranteeing the cash flows needed from outside the team. As soccer clubs become big business, monitoring them as closely as any comparable firm is the only direction that makes sense.

I wish Blatter had stopped with the financial argument. Instead he used the global credit crunch in an effort to convince the European Parliament that his bygone ideal should be resurrected. Blatter has called for owners to have a "link with the area," using Swiss property law as a reference. The president of FIFA wants the world's game to enact laws similar to a country that minimizes its interaction with the rest of the world. Why this man was elected to his position I have no idea.

Blatter needs to understand the game cannot be localised any longer. I guarantee the people who can afford Premier League/La Liga/Serie A teams made their money through business in multiple countries. The leagues themselves have become behemoths because of their international presence. To allow only locals the benefits of a global phenomenon shows a lack of understanding of the current economic landscape. Blatter's policies, if enacted, would shrink the game and deny opportunities to countless players and others whose fortunes are tied to the game. I will rejoice when such a small-minded man is no longer in charge.

Opening Whistle 10-7-08

2008-10-07T08:00:00.000-05:00

Can't be worse than Enron, right? [Unprofessional Foul]

WPS is already miles ahead of WUSA's exposure. [Sun Sentinel]

Will Arsenal actually wear these jerseys? I sure hope so. [Arsenal Sigs]

Argentinian coach not sure how many times he's been asked to step in. Yep, that's the kind of commitment to detail that ensures a winning side. [FourFourTwo]

UEFA Cup seedings obviously do not give current domestic performance much weight when seeding. [Independent]

Premier League Power Rankings, Week 7

2008-10-06T14:40:00.000-05:00

Some might say it's a week late, but Hull proved themselves not to be one-hit wonders and have taken their rightful place in this week's Power Rankings. As always, tell me how much I suck in the comments.

Team

Rk (Prv)

Points

Remark

Chelsea

1(1)

Don’t let the 2-0 scoreline fool you; Chelsea dismantled Villa mercilessly and showed the rest of England what they're capable of.

Liverpool

2(2)

Another injury time winner, this time courtesy of Dirk Kuyt. Where does their luck stop? Oh right, Skrtel is out for months with a PCL tear.

Man Utd

3(3)

Wayne Rooney continues to shine as Blackburn are easily dealt with. If Man U win their game in hand they would be in 3rd.

Hull

4(10)

Hull for Champions League! Also, how crazy is it that no one is hailing their defeat of the other half of the North London Derby as something special?

Arsenal

5(4)

Fabregas saved them from dropping out of the top four, but no team could use the international break more than Arsenal.

Aston Villa

6(5)

So, yeah, about that unchanged lineup every game. Might not be the best idea after all.

Man City

7(6)

For a team that is supposedly built around its defense (at least it was last season), losing after building a 2-0 lead is inexcusable.

Portsmouth

8(12)

How does Peter Crouch get horizontal like that? Must be some magic he shares with Jermain Defoe: the two have already combined for 11 goals.

Sunderland

9(11)

Tough luck against Arsenal, but the rest of the month sees the Black Cats playing three of the bottom four teams. Seven out of nine points is the bare minimum if Sunderland want to challenge for a spot in Europe.

Blackburn

10(9)

The Rovers were helpless against Man U, but manager Paul Ince's complaining about the refereeing and Man U's payroll won't help the club get its confidence back.

Wigan

11(8)

The Latics got screwed, but that happens. Now Steve Bruce has to keep the squad focused so they don't find themselves in a relegation battle.

West Brom

12(13)

Enjoy the victory over Fulham while you can; after the international break you're headed to Old Trafford.

West Ham

13(7)

The Hammers had a chance to go to the top of the table but failed. At home. Against Bolton. Yep, the 'new manager' bump has definitely worn off.

Middlesbrough

14(16)

A 1-0 win on the road should give this team the burst of confidence it needs before welcoming Chelsea in two weeks. At least, that's what Gareth Southgate will tell everyone.

Bolton

15(18)

A 3-1 win despite only having one-third of the possession? A win is a win, but Bolton aren't clear yet.

Stoke

16(17)

Stoke don't appear to be all that bad despite their record. Maybe they can get out of the relegation zone when Spurs come to town after the break.

Everton

17(14)

No Carling Cup, no UEFA Cup, and now only three points out of the drop zone. That new owner better get there, pronto.

Fulham

18(15)

Shut out by a newly promoted side. One point clear of relegation. It's the same old song and dance: Fulham manage to achieve no progress every season.

Newcastle

19(19)

A draw at Everton isn't a bad start for Joe Kinnear. But the more important question: How did the postgame press conference go?

Tottenham

20(20)

The last time Spurs were this bad the Titanic sank. Life has a way of coming up with some really obvious metaphors.

Roman Abramovich is his own navy

2008-10-06T11:31:00.001-05:00

If you're worried about Russia because of Putin, you're looking the wrong way. Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich is building a $400 million yacht of yachts, named Eclipse because he wants his ship to eclipse every other ship on the sea. A few features:

- Armor plating and bulletproof glass in his cabin

- An escape submarine in case pirates board the ship

- A missile defense system

- I'm going to say it one more time. THE MAN HAS INSTALLED A M***********G MISSILE DEFENSE SYSTEM ON HIS PERSONAL BOAT

I'm going to take a wild guess, but methinks if you install such outlandish features on a boat it becomes, ironically enough, more likely someone will try to attack it. Of course, Abramovich has little to worry about: more than 70 former SAS soldiers will be on board to ensure Chelsea can continue to buy its way to another Premier League title.

WTF?

Image courtesy of Andrea Planet

La Liga makes my head hurt

2008-10-06T10:39:00.002-05:00

Sporting Gijon might actually be good, despite the drubbing they received all last month. They won 2-0 at Mallorca, a whopping 734 miles away (including a ferry ride!) despite the following stats:

- Three shots on goal (Mallorca had nine)

- 28% Time of Possession

- Three corner kicks (Mallorca had eight)

In honor of such bizarre results, I hereby give you an official song for the season: "Makes No Sense at All" by Hüsker Dü . I don't think Bob Mould would mind.

	husker du - makes no sense at all

	Found at skreemr.com

Opening Whistle 10-6-08

2008-10-06T08:00:00.000-05:00

Martin Jol is on top of the Bundesliga. As if Spurs fans weren't angry enough. [People's Daily Online]

Speaking of Bundesliga, I wouldn't be surprised if Michael Bradley was regretting his decision to join it. [Football 365]

Looks like the fans followed the White-Out instructions. [The Offside]

I wonder if college soccer has good tailgating. [Don't Tread on Me]

We should have seen this coming. [Soccerlens]

Friday Soccer Roundtable, Part 4

2008-10-03T15:45:00.001-05:00

We're just about done here at the first ever Federation Soccer Roundtable of Awesomeness. Thanks to all of the panelists for indulging me. I thought the last question should be a little more lighthearted: it is Friday, after all. So why not end on a hateful note?

Which team do you hate the most and why?

Josh: One team I've always hated, and received crap for it, is Liverpool. I have just never felt that they deserved to be considering in the top four or regarded as one of the world's best. When did they last win an EPL title? The '80s?

I've always though Jamie Carragher was ridiculously overrated. When Peter Crouch was there, oh man, what a freak show that guy is. Dirk Kuyt? Ugh. Xabi Alonso? Please. The whole You'll Never Walk Alone thing, totally overblown.

Even back in the day. On my FIFA computer game Steve McManaman and Robbie Fowler were garbage. And that comeback in the UCL title game v. AC Milan is the only decent thing they've done in my lifetime. Lucky.

While these days I respect players like Gerrard and Torres, I'll always root against the Reds.

ü75: Personally, it's all Manchester United. In the EPL, my team is Arsenal, but they are by no means my favorite team overall. That honor goes to Aberdeen in the SPL. That would be the Aberdeen who won the Cup Winner's Cup in 1983 under the guidance of Sir Alex Ferguson. Hmmm.

Hell, I pulled for Manchester United in 1999 and sat there in disbelief when those two goals went into the net. So, where did it go wrong with the red devils and me? It's hard to pinpoint, I guess, but it grew over time. Now, every time I see that red-faced tw*t, my blood pressure rises. Every time they outspend the rest of the league for a player, I go apoplectic. Every time they fail, I cheer and laugh. Why? It doesn't make sense. They are simply the strongest team out there, at least of the leagues I watch. And it's that "us against the world" mentality that Ferguson instills in the team. He did it at Aberdeen, and he's done it even more effectively in Manchester.

Some of the blame must also go to that guy. That guy who knows much less about the game, but is much more vocal than I. That guy is almost always a Manchester United fan, at least in my neck of the woods. That guy is the equivalent of your local, vocal Yankees or Red Sox fan. F*ck them, and f*ck the teams they support with their ignorance.

American Villan: I thought I'd finish the roundtable with my own two cents on the matter, kind of like the late, great Dick Schaap would do on The Sports Reporters. Like Josh I also hate Liverpool, but I figure I'll go after a much different target, Bolton.

I know, hating Bolton is akin to hating someone's 3 year old nephew: he gets in the way and you'd prefer he's not around, but I really can't stand them. Their jerseys always suck, they're one of the few teams in England whose stadium is named by the corporate sponsor and they're holding a place in the Premier League that could go to a much cooler team...or at least one that gives Villa more derbies.

Anyway, hope you've enjoyed the roundtable as much as we have. Have a great weekend!

Friday Soccer Roundtable, Part 3

2008-10-03T12:40:00.000-05:00

Halfway done. With any luck this has made your Friday go a little more quickly. With any unluck (what's the opposite of luck, anyway?) your boss has yelled at you for not finishing those TPS reports by the end of the week. Next question:

MLS appears to be suffering greatly in the CONCACAF Champions Cup, most notably in the New England Revolution's thrashing at the hands of Trinidadian side Joe Public FC. What is/are the main culprit(s)? And yes, not being any good is a perfectly acceptable reason if you think MLS just sucks*.

Mustafa Redonkulous: Being thrashed by a 90s R&B group is never acceptable. I see no fault
in your reasoning, sir.

Dave: I think the main culprit is that MLS doesn't pay the players enough to care about about this new Champions League. Everyone finally realized this during Superliga, and I suspect that the Revs looked at their paychecks after that competition and thought, "You know what? If this is how you want to treat us, then from here on out, we'll start caring when you pay us to start caring."

So not only are teams not deep enough to compete in both MLS and the Champions League, but the players have no financial incentive to perform. Part of the problem here is that MLS is modeled after the NFL. It's a closed system where everyone gets the same amount of TV money and everyone has the same tight limits on salaries and roster sizes. Thus, the competition is even, parity reigns, and everyone has a chance at winning MLS Cup.

And that would be just fine -- if MLS Cup were the only trophy in town. It's not. The way MLS is set up, though, clubs are practically programmed to treat MLS Cup like it's the only prize worth winning. That won't work in the long run.

If MLS wants to get serious about competing in the CONCACAF Champions League, it needs to loosen the reigns a bit and allow clubs to add more talent and depth. That means a higher salary cap, larger rosters and better compensation for players in international club tournaments. It also needs to get rid of Superliga, which is a meaningless made-for-TV trinket. (I've actually heard talk that Superliga might replace the Mexican Interliga as a pathway to Copa Libertadores. Really? The Revs can't even win in Trinidad, and now you want to send them to Brazil and Argentina? Yeah, good luck with that.)

Mustafa Redonkulous: Spot on.

Ric: There are many issues, but at the forefront is the league's order of priorities. One problem is that the MLS clubs rarely field a true first team for this, but I think this will change by the next time. When it was the Champions Cup, it did not have the breadth, prestige, or benefits, as it does now as a true (but baby) CL.

Last night's match (Houston-Pumas) was great; the entire tournament will benefit with more like that. I would say that the MLS clubs need to plan more carefully and further ahead for these midweek matches, to have the top talent and healthiest players when time to play, in balance with their regular-season matches.

ü75: I think David has the main points covered. Personally, I am apathetic to yet another competition within the zone. The sooner the powers that be either scrap it or turn it back to strictly knockout, the better. None of these American teams need further fixture congestion while playing a league in the North American summer. The league schedule itself is already rather compressed when you see that the MLS clubs play a few less games in a six month period than clubs do in a European season, which takes nine.

Beyond that, either get a competition where we can hemispherically challenge ourselves, or let the idea die.

Josh: I think we all know that the MLS clubs don't take the CCL or Superliga as seriously as league competition. But this is no different than all the crazy tournament in Europe.

The Premiership teams don't always field their strongest teams in, say, the Carling Cup. Didn't Arsenal start a teenage team the other day and still win?

The main culprit is the depth on the MLS teams. The drop in talent from the starters to the reserves is drastic. I'm not sure if it's the talent pool or a salary cap issue, but the teams don't have enough "bullets" per se to win in each competition. And not caring, of course, doesn't help either.

*This does not mean I think MLS sucks. I just wanted our panelists to feel they had to right to express strong emotions without retribution if they existed.

Friday Soccer Roundtable, Part 2

2008-10-03T10:10:00.000-05:00

Hope you enjoyed the first batch of answers. Here's our second question, fresh out of the oven.

Where are the next two cities in which you would like to see MLS expand? Do you even think MLS should expand? Feel free to use any city in the US or Canada as a destination, even if an MLS franchise already exists there.

Ric: Where I would like to see as the next 2 cities is different from where they are likely to be.

In two weeks will be the deadline for applications for those who want to apply for a 2011 franchise (the next open availability). The next two cities, already approved are Seattle (2009) and Philadelphia (2010), making 16.

More teams are needed in the Midwest, so St. Louis is favored for the 17th city. Also, since there are 3 new Canadian cities competing for 2001, one of those is certainly possible for 2011. My best guess is that the west coast city of Vancouver would be the favorite of those, due in no small part to Steve Nash's participation. He is also involved in the Montreal effort, so that could go either way, but his name recognition and dedication says to me that MLS will want to fast track in that case.

The cities where I would most like to see teams are Miami and San Diego, but those will occur further into the future. I support all of the efforts, and feel that the table could and should go to 24 teams, with carefully managed growth.

Josh: Up here in Seattle, I'd love to see Portland get one of the teams -- although it's probably a bit of a long shot. It'd continue a long-lived and emotional rivalry between the two cities up here in the Pacific Northwest.

Portland calls itself Soccer Town U.S.A. and I'm sure the people there would embrace the team. The Timbers of the USL are a great draw. The city has only one other professional franchise, the Trailblazers of the NBA, and the league schedules are complete opposites. Not to mention no big colleges. So I'm confident the stands would be full and it would be a great fit.

Even if they need some public money, I believe they'd get it. Plus, MLS teams could go two-for-one on flights up here.

For the second team I'd say either St. Louis or Montreal. I could say Vancouver, but that's just getting greedy for the Northwest.

Another team in the Midwest seems a bit redundant, so I'll settle for Montreal. Some of the same arguments for Portland apply. It's a large market without a lot of competition from other professional sports teams. The NHL schedule is also opposite to MLS.

Plus, besides crazy hooligans, the other Canadian franchise is doing pretty well for itself.

Dave: As a USL club supporter, I'd like to see Vancouver and Portland get in next, because that would save my Carolina Railhawks a whole lot of money in travel costs. In fact, if USL clubs on the East Coast never have to travel further west than St. Paul and Austin, that has the potential to make USL even more competitive with MLS.

I'm wondering how much the success of USL clubs the CONCACAF Champions League will affect some cities' interest in moving up to MLS. Look at Montreal, for example. The Impact already have a 13,000-seat stadium that fills up regularly. They only have to outplay Vancouver and
Toronto a couple of times a year to get to the CONCACAF Champions League, and they look like a favorite to get through to the CCL knockout stage this year on current form. Would they trade that for a salary cap, a smaller roster and a visit from David Beckham once a year? Would that even make sense from an economic standpoint?

For U.S. cities, it probably would. Imagine for a moment, though, if a few millionaires with money to burn decided to buy into USL instead of MLS. After all, you could build a USL-1 club and a decent stadium from the ground up for far less than the $30M that MLS is asking for an
expansion fee, and you'd probably have enough left over to build a side quite capable of winning the U.S Open Cup and getting to the Champions League -- again, without the salary and roster constraints of MLS, where teams aren't deep enough to handle success.

You'd have to think that MLS has no choice but to increase its salary cap and roster size limit just to prevent something like that from happening.

ü75: If the MLS remains at it is set up now, I'll say that Portland and St. Louis deserve their shot. But I'll give myself some wiggle room in possibly adding a third to my argument.

First of all, I just want to posit that I think MLS will not become a top tier league unless it decides to regionalize. The US is a vast country, and too much of any potential profit goes to travel. That money could instead be used to lure CONCACAF's top players away from their national leagues, and to keep the American second-choice, those who currently go to, say, Denmark, within MLS. Without going too far down the road, I'll just say that the American big four --the leagues that can afford nationwide travel--started in that way. NBA in the Midwest, NFL the same as well as east coast, MLB was mostly an east coast enterprise, while NHL (in here for the sake of argument), had their Original Six all in close proximity to the Canadian-American border. When one considers that one matchup considered to be a regional rivalry--Chicago-Columbus--involves greater travel than the EPL's longest roadtrip--Portsmouth-Sunderland--you can see how the breadth of our country makes it hard for real rivalries to develop.

Regionalizing would not have to mean contraction of clubs, but instead a sort-of Ma Bell breakup, with a championship at the end. The two leagues, presumably East and West, would play each other only in a Championship, kind of like the AL and NL used to in baseball. This would greatly cut down on travel as well as possibly give rise to that MLS rarity--the away fan.

Enough digression. Portland is an obvious choice here. The Timbers have a long standing tradition, and a long-term rivalry with next year's newest MLS team in Seattle. They have a passionate fan base already installed, and, should they get out of the baseball park, would provide great atmosphere to the league. Think Toronto FC, but American.

St. Louis is a more sentimental choice. St. Louis was the original de facto home of soccer in the US. Bringing a team there would be a nod to the history if the sport in this country. A history that weaves back into the early parts of last century, and not only back to Paul Caligiuri sending us to World Cup '90.

The wiggle room is this: St. Louis should not be an expansion team, but instead the relocated team from Kansas City. KC has only moved backwards since their initial inclusion in the MLS. Think of their inclusion in the MLS as a thank you to Lamar Hunt. Unfortunately, the city never took to the team, and now they play in a minor-league baseball park on the western edge of urban KC. There has been some talk of the team moving to a new stadium in the Overland Park area, but no construction has started. At least they avoided moving to a high school football stadium, as was once thought.

So, if KC moves to St. Louis, where to put a new expansion team? NYC. Derbies are wonderful things, and despite the LA one getting tagged a Superclassico well before its time, that is a well-attended game, no matter the relative standings of the two teams. Also, as I think is important to the league, it would set up an actual rivalry on the East Coast, with away fans encouraged to trek across the city to support their team.

Friday Soccer Roundtable, Part 1

2008-10-03T08:19:00.000-05:00

No links this morning, I've got something better...

It's Friday and odds are you're barely paying attention at work. Today you're in for a treat, a four-part roundtable featuring some of the best soccer writers on the series of tubes. We've got Mustafa Redonkulous from Deuce of Davenport, ü75 from Unprofessional Foul, Josh from The Beautiful Game, Dave from Dave's Football Blog and Ric from MVN.

Question #1: Let's start with the Premier League: They fielded the two finalists in last year's Champions League and three out of the four semifinalists. More billionaires are interested in buying a team in that league than any other in Europe. Will the Premier League begin to dominate Europe or is this just the ebb and flow of the game?

Mustafa Redonkulous: Seems to me that the Premier League is going to be on top for a while. Most top players want to go to England at some point in their careers. TV contracts are pumping more money than ever into the league. The most potential for worldwide exposure is in England as well.

If you look at the other major leagues in Europe, there isn't as much money or prestige beyond one or two teams. Ligue Uhh is nothing to speak of. The Bundesliga while getting better in terms of play doesn't have the exposure or money on the level of the Premier League. Team ownership in Spain seems to be a clusterf*ck with member owned teams, dicey elections and finances as well as supporters that make Newcastle's look almost rational. Italy...well who would want to mess with that? So shady. Serie A has been eclipsed by La Liga and the Premier League.

The fact is that the Premier League has more worldwide exposure, the best players (although that's debatable) and more money to be made than any other league. Owning a Premier League team is a status symbol. It also seems that it's easier to buy a team in England than on the continent. It's also easier to turn an above-average team into a big club. See Chelsea. That said, it's not easy. See Spurs and watch Man City. It's just easier in England.

Josh: I think last year was an anomaly. Despite a wealth of talent and resources, the English domination of 2007 won't be replicated like that year after year. The EPL teams were able to stay healthy throughout the Champions League season and some beneficial draws also played a part in their dominance.

I don't think either Chelsea or Manchester United will be as good this season.

Let's not forget that England has only won two Champions League titles in the last nine years. Only three times since 1985. The attention the English dominance received last year was due, in part, to how rare it is for one country to dominant as such.

But that said, the Premiership is clearly separating itself as far-and-away the top league in the world. In a short time these last couple years the prestige and allure of England has skyrocketed. Even Italian mainstays like Del Piero and Buffon have been linked strongly to the EPL.

It's a league that the best want to play in. And the money is starting to be distributed more evenly throughout the middle-of-the-pack teams. While it may not dominant like last year in European competition, English league soccer could be as strong as ever.

ü75: The EPL (suck it, Barclay's) may sit atop the heap for a while, but will not maintain that position long enough to be considered the long-term dominant league in Europe. Leagues, like the teams in them, have a tendency to bubble up to the top, then slide away as another usurps them. The way I see it, there are three reasons that this will happen to the EPL in European competition.

First, much is made of the billionaire's playground that the EPL has become. However, I don't think that the league will keep the interest of most of the new wave of owners for very long, save for one team. The reason being that there will always be something wonderful and new to go to the top of the list for money men. I'm guessing we see an average shelf-life of about 10 years for any of these owners before they divest themselves.

Also, if one of these teams wins the Champions League early into the tenure of new ownership, the luster will be lost even quicker. If, say, Chelsea had done so last season, then struggled, I think Abramovich would jump. And what if a single owner, a la Abramovich (hate to keep picking on Chelsea), runs into a financial, legal or health-related mess? You only need to look north of the border at the relationship of Brooks Mileson and Gretna to see just how tenuous time at the top can be if one guy is pulling all of the financial strings.

As for which team with rich ownership is in it for the long haul--Manchester United. Sick as it may make me to say it, the Glazer sons will be around long after their old man kicks the bucket. They are fans of the club from well before the time they bought in. Can Liverpool, Manchester City or Chelsea say the same for their owners? No.

Secondly, the English game does not lend itself to some of the excesses that other continental teams enjoy. Those teams get special dispensation from organizational bodies, the government, or, in the case of the Spanish clubs, from banks whose directors are in deep with the club. These types of breaks cannot be taken lightly. The difference in quality between these clubs is razor thin at this level, and free money or government turning a blind eye to shenanigans involving the running of these clubs may take continental teams over the top. As long as what happens doesn't make too many waves, it will be allowed to pass. The FA seems to have a bit more backbone than other associations, and this cannot help its teams in the long run.

Finally, and this ties in a little to other countries and their organizational bodies, the English league is tough. Sure, some games come out easier than others, but every game demands concentration and effort to get a result. While Real Madrid probably had little fear of Sporting Gijon midweek, the same cannot be said of Arsenal and Hull. Slip ups like Arsenal's threaten the possibility of Champions League play the next year. And while the cast of characters from England every year remains largely the same, much like the big continental leagues, the energy expended making sure that happens is greater. Simply put, the Champions League money is so necessary to run these clubs that reaching it is much more important than winning it.

I figure the EPL has about another five years of this level of strength before it goes belly up. Look for Spanish clubs--Real, Barcelona, and maybe Villareal, to take over at the top of Europe.

Dave: The Premier League is sort of like the NBA, in that football was created in England, and therefore its top league has all the glam and self-importance that goes along with it.

Is it really all of England that is on top right now, though, or is it just the Big Four? Look at the shattered dreams of Tottenham Hotspur and Newcastle and tell me anyone would want to be there right now. The Big Four are the Big Four because they're in the Champions League, and I think that carries far more prestige than any domestic league.

In the future, you'll see fewer top players going to England just for the sake of going to England. Many would probably prefer the prestige of European football over the glitz of English football, especially if it suits their style of play. Sure, players will ask themselves if they would rather be in Madrid or Middlesbrough on a Saturday night, but they'll also ask themselves which city offers them the best chance of letting them play on a Tuesday or Wednesday night. Which city do you think they'll pick then?

Open letter to future foreign MLS players

2008-10-02T12:17:00.001-05:00

Dear Foreign Soccer Player,

Did you catch the Barcelona-Shakhtar Donetsk game yesterday? Barcelona won 2-1. Leo Messi scored the game-winner after a throw-in that Shakhtar believed should have gone to them: Shakhtar kicked the ball out of play because they had a man down, but the player was not truly injured and one could argue that Shakhtar were trying to run out the clock.

The circumstances around Shakhtar Donetsk's anger at Barcelona perfectly encapsulate the largest problem soccer will have gaining a foothold in American sports culture. Gamesmanship is nothing new to the U.S. but faking an injuy is anathema to the rugged ideal we place on our athletes. When talking to my friends who aren't soccer fans, diving invariably comes up as a major reason they can't watch the game. I understand that soccer's continuous gameplay and clock give more incentive for this kind of behavior, but such an excuse will not work here.

But don't think we're all Puritanical and want our athletes to act like robots (unless you're talking to a 80 year-old baseball fan). We love when players say outlandish things to rile up the other team or make up crazy celebrations when they score. Faking an injury and then bouncing up after the magic spray treatment? Not cool. We'll think you're a giant prima donna b*tch.

So, to recap: Trash talk all you want. When you score, come up with the most creative celebration possible, even if some find it offensive. Just stay off your back unless you're actually hurt and the fans will love you.

Love,
American Villan

Opening Whistle 10-2-08

2008-10-02T08:00:00.001-05:00

Steven Gerrard cooks aromatic sea bream? I don't even know what that is. [Daily Star]

William Gallas would have made a great Steinbeck character. [The Run of Play]

An impassioned plea to bring MLS to the former Confederacy. [Gwinnett Herald]

I have to admit, I think I'd support this action. [MLS Rumors Rumors]

Wow, that's like the equivalent of $100,000 in European soccer. [KNBC]

The word of the day is...whine!

2008-10-01T13:58:00.001-05:00

Wow, today is shaping up as Act Like a Brat Day in Europe.

Ernesto Bronzetti, Milan's scout in Spain, must really hate Ronaldinho. Days after #80 scored his first goal for AC Milan, a gamewinner against Inter, no less, Bronzetti has come forward to admit Arsenal's Emmanuel Adebayor was Milan's first choice.

How does this benefit Bronzetti in any way? If he had spun it to make it look like he did an excellent job of convincing the Milan brass that Ronnie's best days weren't over I could understand. This just sounds like he's denigrating his own region. Maybe he hates Spanish cuisine and he wants a transfer. Or a chianti is more palatable than a tempranillo. All I got. Your theories are welcome in the comments.

The Dutch are so tempermental at this age

2008-10-01T10:08:00.001-05:00

WESLEY SNEIJDER: Robin, why are you such a big meaniehead? I wanted to kick the ball!

ROBIN VAN PERSIE: Well you can't, you're a poo face.

SNEIJDER: Nuh uh! I'm rubber, you're glue, whatever you say bounces off me and sticks to you.

VAN PERSIE: Noitdoesn't! Noitdoesn't! Before you said that I made myself invincible.

SNEIJDER: Yeah, well before that I made myself double invincible! Plus infinity!

VAN PERSIE: You still look like a butt.

/slapfight

/crying

/naptime

Images courtesy of The Sun, Futbol91 and Amy Sandoval

Opening Whistle 10-1-08

2008-10-01T09:21:00.000-05:00

Commodore must have been a bigger video game system in England than the U.S. [The Best Eleven]

Demands rumored to include a bathtub full of cream cheese. At least now that's the rumor. [The Beautiful Game]

So sad, Slammin' Mike Ashley is only looking to make double what he paid for Newcastle instead of almost four times the amount. [The Original Winger]

It's a good thing when your national team's problems are the same as everyone else's and not, you know, all about getting your head blown off. [Guardian]

Mourinho is less funny ha-ha and more funny tragic. [Reuters]

Who's the boss?

2008-09-30T13:24:00.003-05:00

Are you a European country with a stable football association?

Do you have stadiums that will be ready to handle large crowds by 2012?

Do you have enough money, blow and hookers to satisfy the UEFA and FIFA bigwigs?

If you answered yes to all of the above, you could host Euro 2012!

Please direct inquiries to:
M. Platini
UEFA
Nyon, Switzerland

Make sure to tell him how much you love the new Europa League name.

Don't even think of trying this

2008-09-30T10:52:00.000-05:00

Dax McCarty and Michael Dello-Russo of FC Dallas played soccer golf...on a golf course. They got permission, but you just know the groundskeeper was following, wincing with every shot. Or carrying a shotgun. It is Texas, you know. (h/t: FC Dallas Updates)

Opening Whistle 9-30-08

2008-09-30T08:18:00.000-05:00

Your sibling rivalry has nothing on these two. [The Original Winger]

The Vegas-Columbus saga from someone who knows people. [Covering the Crew]

Bruce Rioch will surely beat Man U again. Everyone knows Aab Aalborg = Arsenal. [BBC Sport]

Behold the power of Martin O'Neill [Vital Football via Aston Villa Offside]

The best picture from the Merseyside Derby. [Red in Dublin]

Premier League Power Rankings, Week 6

2008-09-29T14:51:00.000-05:00

We're going to have a new weekly feature, Power Rankings! Yes, you can look at the table to see where teams actually sit, but that's nowhere near as awesome as seeing what I think of them. So yeah, we're going to pretend like this has been going on all season.

Team

Rk (Chg)

Points

Remark

Chelsea

1(-)

The Blues keep rolling as Jose Boswinga tallies his first goal of the season. Now that Drogba appears to be back for good Chelsea's depth may be too much for anyone to overcome.

Liverpool

2(-)

The Merseyside Derby may be theirs but Liverpool need someone besides All-World striker Fernando Torres to score. Seven goals in six games is not the way to the title.

Man Utd

3(-)

Wayne Rooney and Cristiano Ronaldo have clearly put the sack-stomping incident behind them and appear poised to race back up the table. The gifted penalty shots won't hurt Man U's chances, either.

Arsenal

4(-)

Young players lose their focus, simple as that. Wenger will make sure it doesn't happen again, but Gooners would have preferred Robin Van Persie or William Gallas to show the needed leadership on the pitch.

Aston Villa

5(-)

John Carew is a force in the penalty area. Looks like Martin O'Neill fleeced Lyon when he traded for him in January 2007 in exchange for Milan Baros.

Man City

6(-)

City fans will claim their stars haven't had enough time to gel. I can buy that…for now.

West Ham

7(-)

Gianfranco Zola might be getting the new manager bump, but West Ham will take whatever points they can get as they look for a new sponsor to keep them financially afloat.

Wigan

8(-)

Steve Bruce is doing more with less than any manager in the Premier League. Can you name three players on that team?

Blackburn

9(-)

Roque Santa Cruz would be a star if he played at a bigger club. Will he be a January target if Blackburn slip?

Hull

10(-)

I think Hull supporters might still be drunk after pulling off what will likely be the biggest upset of the Premier League season. Who said they would be the new Derby? Oh, right, everyone. And everyone is wrong.

Sunderland

11(-)

I hope Roy Keane didn't take too much abuse while losing at Villa Park this weekend. He's a delicate flower, you know.

Portsmouth

12(-)

Portsmouth didn't look like a team troubled by finances when they took out Spurs 2-0 on Sunday. But then, they were playing Spurs.

West Brom

13(-)

Scott Carson kept a clean sheet to give the Baggies their first Premier League road win. For his sake I hope this means the scars from the England-Croatia game have finally healed.

Everton

14(-)

Last year's challengers to the Big Four have lost a lot of ground with virtually the same lineup. Manager David Moyes better find some answers soon or he'll find himself out of a job.

Fulham

15(-)

Andy Johnson has 3 goals. The rest of the team has 2. I think that sums it up.

Middlesbrough

16(-)

Gareth Southgate called it "one of those days." If they keep having those days they'll find themselves in the drop zone.

Stoke

17(-)

The Potters simply ran into a death machine wearing Chelsea jerseys. At least the next London team coming to visit will be Spurs.

Bolton

18(-)

You have to feel sorry for Bolton getting screwed the way they did in the middle of a scoreless game. The officiating in the Premier League has kinda sucked this year, hasn't it?

Newcastle

19(-)

At least now Newcastle have a competent manager on the sidelines to…wait, what? They have to wait one more game for Joe Kinnear's suspension from five years ago to finish? Nevermind, this team is a joke.

Tottenham

20(-)

Spurs fans chanted, "You don't know what you're doing" during their team's loss to Portsmouth. Did Juande Ramos need an interpreter?

RSL just got paid

2008-09-29T12:17:00.001-05:00

Real Salt Lake's new stadium will be named Rio Tinto Stadium after the mining company agreed to pay $1.5M-$2M/year for 15 years, according to the Salt Lake Tribune. It might sound like small potatoes to those who only follow MLB or the NFL, but given that player salaries rarely get into the hundreds of thousands in MLS, this deal will help pay for a few players all at once. Or a Designated Player, if RSL was so inclined.

What will the fans call it? The Tint? The Tent? As long as they don't start calling it The Taint I think everyone will be happy.

Image courtesy of Behind the Shield

How Ronnie Got His Groove Back

2008-09-29T08:55:00.000-05:00

In case you haven't seen it yet, here's Ronaldinho's goal that sank Inter Milan. Be sure to watch through the celebration as Dinho parties like it's 2006.

Lucky break or the return of Ronnie?

Opening Whistle 9-29-08

2008-09-29T08:00:00.001-05:00

If Theo Walcott isn't named a Ballon d'Or finalist by 2011 Cesc Fabregas is a dirty liar. [FourFourTwo]

Maybe MLS should consider moving the sideboards by the dugouts. [Covering the Crew]

Joe Kinnear's effective tenure at Newcastle will be even shorter than advertised. [The Beautiful Game]

How much is Karim Benzema worth? [Soccerlens]

Stay tuned today for a new feature. Shiny!

Hull are the new hotness

2008-09-28T10:53:00.004-05:00

Hull have the same number of points this season as Derby had all of last season. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it.

Are there any Hull bloggers out there? Let me know!

The Legend of Leo

2008-09-27T17:53:00.003-05:00

ZOMG!!1!!!11! Leo Messi is the bestest at everything ever!!!!!!!!!11!

No, really, he coolly slotted home the penalty as 13 minutes of stoppage time elapsed during the second half of the Catalan Derby, the score previously tied at 1.

This is instantly the biggest story in the eastern half of Spain. If Ruud van Nistelrooy hadn't put Real Betis away in injury time it would have been the biggest story for all of Spain.

Take that, England. Spain effing rocks.

Image via Reuters

Gijon must mean 'punching bag'

2008-09-27T14:56:00.001-05:00

Did Sporting Gijon's chairman insult someone's mother? This has been the team's September schedule: @Sevilla (currently 5th), Barcelona (6), @Real Madrid (2), Villareal (1). And guess what? Reverse the home/away and it's their February schedule, too! Not too surprisingly they went 0-4 during this nightmare stretch, mercifully ending earlier today with a 1-0 loss to Villareal despite outshooting them 15-8.

For a visual representation, here is Sporting Gijon before this stretch:

And here is Sporting Gijon after:

Friends don't let friends run the Gauntlet of Spanish soccer.

Robinho has lost his mind

2008-09-26T12:45:00.001-05:00

Everyone's favorite traveling salesman is officially batsh*t insane. Robinho has fired his agent, Wagner Ribeiro, the one that not only got him his record-setting transfer to Manchester City, but a previous record-setting transfer to Real Madrid. Who is replacing Ribeiro? Robinho's dad, of course!

For the unfamiliar, this is the American equivalent of Manny Ramirez getting a record-breaking deal with Scott Boras as his agent and then firing him a month later. In fact, this latest episode, combined with the transfer drama and the recent use of a helicopter to get to practice with the Brazilian national team, I've come up with the new math:Learn it. Live it.

Images courtesy Soccerlens and Cleveland Leader

Joe Kinnear to manage Newcastle...kind of

2008-09-26T08:57:00.001-05:00

The sad tale of Newcastle under Mike Ashley has taken another bizarre twist. Ashley is so confident 1) he will sell the club soon and 2) the next owner will hate Ashley's selection of a manager, he has hired Joe Kinnear, former manager at Wimbledon and Nottingham Forest, but only through October.

In a statement made only to protect his family, Kinnear told BBC Radio, "the new owners have Kevin Keegan and possibly Alan Shearer parked around the corner."

Hopefully he will have enough time to employ the training methods he learned as manager of Nepal's national team. No confirmation as to whether Michael Owen will be chased by a yak to improve his conditioning.

Opening Whistle 9-26-08

2008-09-26T08:25:00.000-05:00

Vasco de Gama gonna get you, fat boy. [The Beautiful Game]

A Korean's last name is Short? Roy Keane's going to love that. [EPL Talk]

This year is the last UEFA Cup ever! Well, sort of. [Four Four Two]

If we had similar punishments here in the U.S. there wouldn't be a single profitable bar in New Jersey. [Hereford Times]

“I know he only wants me for my giant, fake breasts and my supermodel-perfect ass, but I don’t quite care.” [The Offside]

OK, now I know we're in trouble

2008-09-25T18:14:00.000-05:00

When I read that FIFA had fined the Croatian Football Federation £14,920 for racist slurs shouted at Emile Heskey, I thought, "That's an odd number." Then I saw that it equated CHF 30,000. That means the Swiss franc is worth about half a pound. So is the U.S. dollar.

Oh sh*t.

The Swiss franc? Really, the dollar is worth just slightly more than the Swiss franc?

I haven't heard anyone else mention it, so please alert me to much better arguments than the one I'm about to make, but the declining value of the dollar might do more to hurt the progress of MLS than any other factor.

Next year, MLS will start its most aggressive expansion plan with the birth of Sounders FC in Seattle and a team in Philadelphia the following season. Several other cities have lined up to join the league. This means MLS will need many more quality players quickly to avoid a sharp dilution in talent, the very thing that killed the NASL. Unless the American pipeline is backed up with talent ready to shine, this means MLS will need to go abroad to find its players.

Currently European players would lose a lot of purchasing power by moving to the U.S. According to the Economist, the pound is overvalued against the dollar by more than 18 percent, while the Euro is overvalued by more than 55. Unless the players MLS brings in will be receiving raises to compensate (or extra marketing deals), the European players have no reason to come.

With that thought in mind, I suggest MLS target players from countries where the dollar is much stronger. Here are my suggestions based on the relative value of the dollar and my wholly uneducated guess as to the level of talent:

Uruguay
Japan
Australia
Egypt
Chile

I'm pretty sure MLS scouts cover South America to a ridiculous degree, but maybe they might want to focus more on the two nations mentioned above. I know about the J-League and A-League but not much. I also know Egypt just won the African Cup of Nations, so they must have some talent. All of this is just a shot in the dark, and in a year from now the countries on that list will undoubtedly change, but the economic knowledge is another tool MLS scouts could use to bolster their arguments when convincing certain foreign players to come here.

Roy Keane makes no sense

2008-09-25T10:55:00.001-05:00

Sunderland's manager acted as if he hadn't been in professional soccer for more than 17 years when he remarked that he wouldn't tolerate "abuse" from random fans. In fact, if you take his words at face value, it sounds like he's ready to quit:

The abuse, I know it is part of football, but that is something I won't tolerate.

So, Roy, if you know it's part of the game yet you refuse to accept it, what exactly do you plan to do? My guess: you become a florist. I've never heard of a florist being attacked.

We have so many flowers because it rains all the damn time

Help Roy think of a name for his new endeavor. Leave your idea for his floral shop in the comments.

Opening Whistle 9-25-08

2008-09-25T00:13:00.002-05:00

World Cup 2010 has its anthem. Zakumi's dance routine to be determined. [The Times]

Marta is LA's new Beckham. [100 Percent Soccer]

Aston Villa lose to QPR in the Carling Cup entirely because of karma. [Football365]

Pogatetz has just completed Step 2 of the Official Athlete Crisis Management Program. [The Guardian]

Borat is assuredly fuming over the talent his southern neighbors are acquiring. [The Beautiful Game]

Corona is a necessary evil

2008-09-24T22:09:00.000-05:00

While waiting for the DC United-Marathon feed to come back, I noticed that CONCACAF Champions Cup is now sponsored by Corona! It means more of that awful Kenny Chesney commercial, but I'll take it if it means the tournament gets a bigger presence.

Ramos and Roman need to hug it out

2008-09-24T13:31:00.001-05:00

RAMOS: Roman! Push ball to left and run in a circle.

PAVLYUCHENKO: (stares blankly)

RAMOS: Make two-one with Bent!

PAVLYUCHEKNO: (dribbles into crowd of defenders and loses the ball)

RAMOS: Drop your...your... your back! Bananas, seven, to go!

/halftime whistle blows

PAVLYUCHENKO: Coach, no understand.

RAMOS: Then out. You...you... you must learn to then spe...speak like me.

PAVLYUCHENKO: (shakes head, sits down, wonders why he didn't sign with Arsenal)

h/t: EPL Talk

Opening Whistle 9-24-08

2008-09-24T08:00:00.000-05:00

This picture will most likely be used against Valencia very soon. [Juankas Liga]

Michel Platini fears robots will eventually take over if replay is allowed. [The Canadian Press]

This rating system confuses me? How many Zunes are equal to a bottle of low-end scotch? [Synthetic Turf]

An impassioned argument for more American players in MLS. Plus he uses Aston Villa as an example, so he's obviously a smart guy. [Going to the Mat]

Holy crap! Sven can speak Spanish! [Sideline Views]

If it's in a song it must be true

2008-09-23T16:19:00.002-05:00

My blatant bit of homerism for the day:

Also check out the one about John Carew.

Where did his accent go?

That got out of hand

2008-09-23T15:47:00.000-05:00

FC Hollywood is crumbling!

Stupidity amongst spoiled fans is not a solely American quality: more than 60% of survey respondents believe 39-year old Oliver Kahn should come out of retirement to replace Michael Rensing in goal for Bayern Munich. To remind the Munich faithful just how old Kahn is, here is a list of people younger than your legend.

- Claudia Schiffer

- Oliver Reidel of Rammstein

- Ole Gunnar Solskjær

- Alexi Lalas

Big hair, industrial metal, Norwegians who look like children and bad goatees. Do we really want to go back to that?

Opening Whistle 9-23-08

2008-09-23T08:00:00.000-05:00

Wait, does Shalrie Joseph mean he agrees or disagrees with Bill O'Reilly? [shalriejoseph.com]

Man City might not have the coin for Ronaldo, Fabregas and Torres after all. [The Run of Play]

Obviously they're already looking at bringing Sounders FC. [Offside Rules]

If you're not watching "I'm on Setanta" yet, you should. [The Beautiful Game]

It's the equivalent of Donald Trump needing a submarine because his helicopter is in the shop. [Real Madrid Talk]

Tremble before his might

2008-09-22T16:42:00.003-05:00

World Cup Chairman Danny Jordaan knows his time on this mortal coil is soon to end now that he is in the clutches of the feared ZAKUMI! He must not have seen him coming due to the camouflage from Zakumi's green hair.

Zakumi vs. Nightmare Ant. Let's make this happen.

PSA from Qatar

2008-09-22T16:18:00.000-05:00

Hi kids! Today we're going to learn about rules. You know what those are, right? Those are the things that are created to make sure everyone gets treated fairly. Rules are everywhere: we use them at the grocery store, at school, and anywhere else you can think of. If nobody followed the rules, very bad things would happen, like big kids stealing your lunch or pushing you down.

Sometimes people break the rules even if they know they're not supposed to. We don't like that, do we? Of course not. When people break the rules, they have to be punished so they learn not to do it again. This might have happened to you. Did you like it when your favorite toy was taken away because you called your daddy worthless for never getting a job? No, I didn't think you did.

But what if you break a rule and you didn't know it was a rule? Well, here in Qatar, if you do that, it's OK! Here's an example: You can let people play at your house even if they're not supposed to be there, just as long as you don't know that ahead of time. Maybe someone played at a house in Brazil, which means they're not supposed to play at your house in Qatar. Did you know they played at a house in Brazil first? No? Then you're fine! Don't worry if your Iraqi friends get mad at you, because the grownup in charge will tell them why you didn't do anything wrong.

That's all for today, kids, but remember - don't learn the rules in the first place and you can't be punished! Be safe, and buy more oil!

Thanks to estrip.org for the picture

Indecent Proposal

2008-09-22T12:29:00.000-05:00

A Nigerian consortium wants to become the first African owners in the Premier League by purchasing Newcastle. Chris Nathaniel, CEO of the company handling the deal, says "the consortium of Nigerian entrepreneurs has so far contributed £350million to buy the club." Nathaniel then emailed* Newcastle owner Mike Ashley to make official his intentions:

From: Chris Nathaniel [cnathaniel@go.com]
To: cnathaniel@go.com

Dear Sir,

I wish to inform you of a business venture that I believe will be Fortune for the both of us. I am a wealthy businessman who has raised a Significant amount of money for a Premier League football club but now I am looking for a responsible beneficiary for these funds. We have heard from a reliable source that you are the kind of person we seek.

You will need to do no work. All we ask is a viable bank account so we can transfer the money. Then when the deal is complete we will contact you again.

Without your help we will never be able to realize our Dream of owning a Premier League football team. Your kindness will be remembered for generations. I understand this request is unusual but all Great deeds are.

Yours in trust,
Mr Chris Nathaniel

*This is satire. I wish the Nigerian consortium all the best in their attempts to make history.

Opening Whistle 9-22-08

2008-09-22T08:00:00.000-05:00

NYC bartenders uncover the ultimate conspiracy. [MLS Rumors Rumors]

Because just buying PVC pipe and netting to make a couple goals is sooooo plebian. [The Original Winger]

Ashley Young will never do anything nice for anyone again. [The Sun]

Why one half of the North London Derby sits atop the Premier League standings while the other sits at the bottom. [Arsenal Truth]

It's just like Euro - England isn't in! [mCalcio]

A new MLS schedule?

2008-09-20T09:37:00.000-05:00

On BBC's World Football Phone-In, Sean Wheelock reported MLS is considering moving its schedule to an Apertura/Clausura format in order to better cooperate with players' national team duties. Under the proposed structure, the Apertura would run from August to November and the Clausura would run from February to May.

Many will be happy to see MLS cooperating more with FIFA, but this structure is not the answer. American fans are used to a single-season format. How will they know which season is more important? If they're equally important, do they suddenly matter less because players have more opportunities to win a title? What about the MLS Cup? If anyone knows whether Wheelock commented on these questions please let me know. Until then (and maybe after depending on the answers I receive) I cannot believe this change will appeal to Americans.

If MLS does approve this format, I think the Clausura would attract a lot of attention but the Apertura would be running against baseball pennant races plus college and pro football. I don't believe MLS should be running away from competition but I don't agree with the idea of holding an entire season during the time MLS is least likely to gain new fans.

The day after Major League Baseball's All-Star Game (usually in the middle of July) is the deadest day of the sports year. Every other major sport is in its offseason. MLS needs to capitalize on this opportunity by showcasing its talent across the country. I believe MLS should either begin or end its season on this date. The former option would result in a December-July schedule, the latter a July-January schedule (given the current 8-month format). I believe the former option would make FIFA happier, leaving the end of July and all of August open for international competition.

The most glaring critique of this idea is the weather gets hotter as the season progresses, leaving the players potentially drained by the end and showing the fans a bad product at the worst possible time. I can't respond to that since I have no personal knowledge of the demands of an MLS season.

The second most crippling argument concerns the fans. Who will want to go to a game in Toronto or Chicago in February? My answer: the same people who would want to go to one if MLS went to an Apertura/Clausura format. It's simply not a perfect schedule with respect to the weather. MLS currently utilizes the schedule most agreeable with sitting outside for two hours so any change would face that criticism.

MLS has an opportunity to both make amends with the international soccer community and gain exposure at home. With its current expansion plans exposing the league to new cities, MLS will never have a better time to make a change of this magnitude. I hope its leaders will see the potential and take the risks necessary to expand soccer's profile in America.

Maradona in black and blue?

2008-09-19T11:34:00.000-05:00

No links today; my morning has been too Comcastic.

Today's unbelievable moment comes courtesy of Inter Milan. Three consecutive Serie A titles and Jose Mourinho aren't enough for president Massimo Moratti. The man wants to bring in Diego Maradona as a consultant.

/Fast forward through cocaine jokes

He's one of the greatest players of all time, but that doesn't mean he can pass along his greatness. Some players' create their magic through instinct, not repeatable steps. If Maradona is hired, I'll want to see if he can slow the game down enough to walk through not just his actions, but his thoughts as well. The most difficult knowledge to pass on is not technique, but vision.

More importantly, this opportunity could be Maradona's last chance to redeem himself. I wouldn't be surprised at all to find out Moratti uses Maradona for little more than a mascot, at least until Maradona can prove he can stay clean. If I were responsible for a club the size of Inter Milan I wouldn't want to subject them to anything potentially devastating: the players expose themselves to enough of that on their own.

My guess: Moratti wants to help a fallen idol. He will slowly introduce Maradona to the team and way of life. Maradona will likely stumble once, but Moratti will quickly inform him that such behavior is unacceptable with so much at stake for Inter. I just hope Maradona will listen.

Michael Ballack has a blog

2008-09-18T09:48:00.001-05:00

And he's kind enough to post it in German AND English. He's the second professional player, after Alexandre Song, to post for Footbo, a soccer social networking site. Of course, he manages to say not one interesting thing, reverting to such cliches as, "We're confident of our abilities but we know it'll be hard work."

Michael, please. Just because a blog post has your name on it does not make it inherently awesome. There are plenty of other athletes who manage to give us some really good stuff, so I know it's possible. Hell, you're a German, living in England, playing on a team coached by a Brazilian and owned by a Russian. You probably have millions of stories that don't even involve hookers, so it's cool, you're safe.

Hopefully soon we will see a Premier League player who will tell us the kinds of things that go through a player's mind throughout the season and some (clean) inside intel. That player will be revered and hailed as a people's champion, especially when the skyrocketing price of tickets could make fans feel alienated and shut out. Step up, player to be named, and let us in. At the very least you'll likely get an extra marketing deal out of it.

Opening Whistle 9-18-08

2008-09-18T07:54:00.000-05:00

Sepp Blatter, always the politician. [Telegraph via Soccer America]

I would like to point out that two high-profile teams currently playing in the UEFA Cup would be relegated if the season ended today. [The Star]

Slammin' Mike, still living up to his name. [The Spoiler]

Interesting discussion of ESPN's possible acquisition of Premier League TV rights. [EPL Talk]

Lyon, you suck at life. [The Offside]

Sepp Blatter knows how to get down

2008-09-17T15:45:00.000-05:00

After seeing the progress South Africa has made toward hosting World Cup 2010, Sepp Blatter reportedly danced on the plane. This shouldn't surprise you: Blatter has been shaking his moneymaker around the world. Here's the proof:

Sepp showing his moves in Dirty Jersey

And everyone knew he was partying with Mike Ashley

Sometimes he even slips the headphones on and rocks the club

I can only hope to be as spry when I'm his age.

The new America's Team

2008-09-17T14:18:00.003-05:00

Thanks to flickr user dan_sobolev and my buddy Dave.

The next MLS target

2008-09-17T12:04:00.003-05:00

Kendall Jagdeosingh of Puerto Rico Islanders. Jag-dee-oh-sing.

The man runs like a gazelle. He's only 22. I couldn't find any good pictures of him, but when I do they'll definitely be up here. After he led the Islanders to their 2-1 victory over Tauro FC last night as well as their qualifying victory over Costa Rica's Alajuelense (in which he also scored), I started to think he might be able to lead this team to the knockout round, an amazing accomplishment for a USL-1 side, even for one that's top of the table. Run-on sentences aside, I better see him in MLS next season. Owners, you're officially on notice.

Opening Whistle 9-17-08

2008-09-17T08:02:00.000-05:00

Women's Professional Soccer divvied up the U.S. National Team among the franchises. Will we see a blog dedicated to their HABs? [Women's Professional Soccer]

Cruz Beckham is totally awesome. [Kickette]

I hope D isn't too hungover this morning. [The DCenters]

On a much more somber note: Portable soccer goal responsible for 21-month old's death. Recall has been issued. [100 Percent Soccer]

Brush up on your Seattle soccer history before Drew Carey and Sounders FC destroy everything you've ever loved. [The Offside Rules]

Who the F**K are Cluj?

2008-09-16T22:10:00.000-05:00

Your worst nightmare, that's who

The light at the end of the tunnel? That's Cluj! CLUUUUUUUUUUJ!

Seriously, who saw this coming? A win? Against Roma? On the road? I love this. Plus, they have some pretty sweet Man Clothing. Want.

Here's a promise. You guys beat Chelsea and I will buy it and wear it until it unravels. I hereby declare CFR Cluj as the official Romanian side of Federation Soccer.

CLUUUUUUUUJ!

Where will MLS go next?

2008-09-16T17:32:00.000-05:00

MLS Fever (not to be confused with typhoid fever, which took my brother's life near Fort Kearney) has spread faster than the video that makes my taco pop. No fewer than nine cities are actively seeking the next expansion bid. Time to handicap the field.

Ottawa: 20/1 The new kids in the Race to Expansion™, Ottawa's biggest draw is its obvious rivalry with Toronto. The proposed 30,000 seat stadium sounds great, but does anyone in Ottawa want soccer besides Eugene Melnyk? I don't see the local hype...yet.

Vancouver: 6/1 Steve Nash isn't a definite yet, but Vancouver might not even need him. The Whitecaps have great support and the city has successfully hosted the U-20 World Cup with an eye on the 2011 Women's World Cup. Vancouver is obviously a great soccer town and would welcome MLS.

Montreal: 8/1 The city already has a soccer-specific stadium with plans to expand. Its USL-1 team, the Impact, not only defeated Toronto FC for a spot in CONCACAF Champions League qualifying but have advanced to the group stages.

Portland: 12/1 A natural rivalry with Seattle and a successful USL-1 team make Portland an easy pick. However, Portland does not appear likely to build a soccer-only stadium, but instead renovate its current baseball field. I guess that could work, but if I were the commish I wouldn't give them the next club until it was done. See you in 2012.

Las Vegas: 100/1 I couldn't find any recent articles or blog posts with specifics on Las Vegas' bid, so unless the Maloof Brothers start partying with CR7, Sin City will have to keep waiting for a major sports franchise.

St. Louis: 4/1 With a website full of testimonials, St. Louis is pretty effing serious about getting an MLS franchise. The STL-KC rivalry would have an extra facet, which I personally enjoy (Ed. note: I went to Mizzou. Go Tigers!). The criticism of the size of the market seems to be moot since MLS is more concerned with the enthusiasm for soccer ahead of overall market size.

New York: 15/1 But then there's a market like NYC. I've written previously about the idea of bringing a second club to the area, and I have no doubt the team would be successful. I fully expect to see MLS place another team here, but maybe as the 20th franchise.

Miami: 30/1 I would have placed them at 100/1 if Barcelona weren't interested in buying the USL-1 team there and and converting it into a sist er club. Even with the power and prestige behind this option, MLS is more likely to remember the epic failure of the Fusion. Add the previous failure to the overall poor quality of the Miami sports market and the fact they don't currently plan on having their own stadium, and Barca will need more than cash and their name to succeed. They'll need...Carlos Valderrama.

The perfect chip when you need to get hammered

Valderrama is the all-time MLS assist leader and a member of the MLS All-Time Best XI. And I heard he has a unique look. Have you heard about that?

Atlanta: Eleventy billion/1

So get ready, Vancouver and St. Louis. You'll most likely be the welcome break from every other team's grueling schedule.

(h/t: Du Nord, flickr user worldwidewandering, The Original Winger)

Opening Whistle 9-16-08

2008-09-16T10:43:00.002-05:00

Child labor? Not funny at all. We need to do something about this. [Fanhouse]

Torsten Frings, however, is frickin' hysterical. [Kickette]

There's the Mourinho I know and love. [Transfer Rumour]

Terry's red card has vanished, just like the power of the ref who gave it to him. [BBC]

Marseille's coach is just brimming with ~~confidence~~ fear as Champions League is set to begin. [Rubberband Man's Blog]

Notes from Villa-Spurs

2008-09-15T16:08:00.000-05:00

-For all the money Spurs have spent in midfield and attack, their back four is still shaky. Poor clearances and miscommunication...basic stuff.

- Villa attacked much more than in recent games. The attack looked more organized, too. When I saw Nigel Reo-Coker starting again on the right side I almost choked, thinking, "Where's Milner?" But it worked. I guess Martin O'Neill knows what he's doing, after all.

- Spurs lack a true holding midfielder to direct traffic.

- Agbonlahor played more on the wings, which I think utilized his speed more. I always saw him more of an attacking winger than a true center forward.

- Gareth Barry got Man of the Match but I didn't see it. Some good passing Petrov and Young were much more effective.

DIC Doesn't Want In

2008-09-15T11:13:00.003-05:00

DIC has pulled out of talks with Liverpool FC and wants no part of Newcastle, so sayeth the Guardian. They've also reported how badly Ashley wants DIC to take over because he knows Newcastle fans would love to see that DIC cheese blown on the planet's best players.

The good news? Sheikh Mohammed bin Rashid Al Maktoum, who supposedly owns DIC but has no control over it, is considering putting up his own money to buy Liverpool. It's only fair that he go for them and not Newcastle: Liverpool's fans have been protesting much longer.

DIC = Dubai Investment Consortium

Pervert.

Opening Whistle 9-15-08

2008-09-15T08:00:00.000-05:00

Top 10 flops at Chelsea during the Roman Abramovich Era. If I had been doing this blog 3 years ago, Asier Del Horno would have been my favorite whipping boy. [The Kaki Bangku]

"With this Golden Boot, I have changed football a little." Only if it's wedged into your colon, CR7. [FourFourTwo]

Ottawa wants an MLS franchise. With Vancouver and Montreal also bidding for expansion teams, Canada's takeover plot has begun. [MLS Expansion and Development]

Fabian Espindola honestly feels terrible about his bone-breaking flip. [Sideline Views]

Charles Renken doesn't buy into the hype, mostly because he's gone through more misfortune than we can wrap our privileged little minds around. [Soccernet]

We'll miss you, Slammin' Mike

2008-09-14T14:15:00.003-05:00

Slammin' Mike Ashley has put Newcastle up for sale. It only makes sense: it's hard to run a team into the ground by undermining its most popular manager and selling its best young talent while buying champagne for people you don't know.

Ashley predictably used the excuse that he couldn't keep pace with his fellow billionaire owners. If he didn't realize the debt he would be assuming when he bought the club, it's amazing he's amassed the wealth he has. If he didn't comprehend the realities of today's Premier League, he's just blind. I don't know which is worse as an owner.

On the bright side, Ashley has scientifically proven that protests by English fans are only audible (or capable of recognition) by English ears. From his statement, "You don't need to demonstrate against me again because I have got the message." We Americans must not be tuned to the proper frequencies.

He bumped up their Q rating to 4

2008-09-12T16:30:00.000-05:00

Rancid's drummer, Branden Steineckert, is a big Real Salt Lake fan. Yes, that Rancid.

Don't think the fans would enjoy the mohawks, though. They'd get in the way of the sight lines! Ha, you thought I was going to make a crack on SLC. Anyway, here are some equally incongruous matches I'd love to see:

Bow Wow for Columbus Crew
Dave Chappelle for DC United
Renee Zellweger for Houston Dynamo
Burt Bacharach for Kansas City Wizards

It's about time MLS got some celebrity fans besides at Galaxy games, so props to you, Mr. Steineckert. Got an idea for a celebrity fan you'd love to see? Leave it in the comments.

What they don't want you to know

2008-09-12T11:27:00.001-05:00

How does a Premier League shirt sponsor go bankrupt? Federation Soccer has unearthed the conspiracy, and it's not a theory. Here are the facts:

XL Holidays goes bankrupt, owes West Ham £5 million.
Valon Behrami, Swiss international, was recently purchased from Lazio for £5 million.
Behrami's nickname growing up was Pepperami.
Peperami's ads are voiced over by Adrian Edmonson.
Adrian Edmonson performed in a TV series The Comic Strip with Alexei Sayle.
Alexei Sayle joined the Communist Party of Britain in 1968.
The Communist Party of Britain strongly opposes the European Union.

Now it all makes sense! Alexei Sayle, through Adrian Edmonson's influence in popular culture, has undermined XL Holidays at the perfect time, forcing West Ham to return Behrami to reclaim the £5 million. By sending Behrami back, it will begin a domino effect throughout England that will force all Premier League clubs to relinquish their foreign players and return to simpler times where players did not cross boundaries to earn a living. +1, Commies.

Photo from footballshirts.co.uk

Opening Whistle 9-12-08

2008-09-12T09:27:00.002-05:00

The editor of BBC Sport chimes in on foreign ownership in the Premier League. [Mihir Rose via Global Futbol]

Abu Dhabi United Group address Man City fans. Hilarity ensues. [Deuce of Davenport]

Protests! Yay! [EPL Talk]

Schelotto probably won't play for the Crew on Saturday, but at least we didn't hear it from his mom. [Covering the Crew]

What the hell is Schalke's mascot? [The Best Eleven]

Red Bull's perennial little brother

2008-09-11T18:11:00.006-05:00

David Howard of the New York Mets has stated his plans to purchase an MLS club. (Aside: This makes the Villannette very excited: she's originally from Queens.) With their new all-sports channel and likely NYC location (read: not Jersey), the team will have a great chance to build a huge lead and choke it away in the final month of the season. But hey, they'll be in New York, so they'll be valuable, even if they're not any good.

All snark aside, this would be a great opportunity for MLS. New York can certainly support two teams. In fact, since the team (whenever it happens) will be in NYC proper it will become an instant attraction for foreign stars not quite ready for the bright lights, intense media scrutiny and fast pace of Salt Lake City. Dang, there goes the snark again. I love you SLC!

First reader contest!

2008-09-11T11:35:00.003-05:00

Hope you enjoyed the liveblog last night. Now it's your chance to contribute. Let me see your Photoshop skills as you come up with the best enhancement to this wallpaper:

This is just screaming for the Photoshop treatment. Click here for better resolution. Good luck!

Opening Whistle 9-11-08

2008-09-11T09:31:00.002-05:00

How much would I like to be Theo Walcott? I think I could handle being a ridiculously talented soccer player, thankyouverymuch. [Soccer FanHouse]

I told you Roy Keane was being a douchenugget. Jack Warner thinks so too, and his opinion is worth a lot more. [Global Futbol]

Because even the afterlife in Hamburg is boring without soccer. [Unprofessional Foul]

Will Steven Gerrard get the Brett Favre treatment? [The Original Winger]

OK, fine, one less reason to hate Boston sports. [The Offside Rules]

U.S. World Cup Qualifier LIVEBLOG

2008-09-10T18:43:00.002-05:00

Catania or death?

2008-09-10T16:45:00.003-05:00

Catania fans have been banned from attending their club's match at Inter Milan this weekend. I don't quite understand how that works - do the security guards ask each fan who they're rooting for as they enter the stadium? I would think this is an easy situation for Catania fans to get around:

Guard: Catania or Inter?
Catania Fan: Inter.
Guard: OK, you can get through.

See, I just did it! For further help, I'll let my friend Eddie demonstrate:

With this guide, any Catania fan should be able to cause further havoc and destruction. Good luck!

Foot goes to the ball, not mouth

2008-09-10T12:40:00.004-05:00

Quite the kerfuffle (I love that word!) in the land of underachievers as Harry Hotspur posted some advice from a Tottenham employee to new signing Roman Pavlyuchenko.

“A lot of dark-skinned people live there,” Rebrov said. “So naturally the crime rate is higher than anywhere else. It’s not nice to be a robbery victim. So I suggest that Roman doesn’t walk but drives around that area.”

Holy crap, that's some of the most patently racist stuff I've heard in a long time. I thought England was supposed to be better about that than America.

So yeah, the employee (Rebrov) is a pathetic waste of space. Had Harry Hotspur said something to that effect, we could have all made our derisive jokes about Rebrov and continued with our day. Unfortunately, Harry Hotspur perpetuated this garbage:

The immeadiate and arguably politically correct response to seeing his words is to bark RACIST!!! and demand... well. demand something or other.

Arguably? Arguably?! Screw political correctness, that's blatant. Harry then goes on to break down the rest of the statement journo-style for reasons I don't want to understand. He was obviously reprimanded and thankfully has issued an apology.

Now what to do about Rebrov?

Opening Whistle 9-10-08

2008-09-10T08:20:00.000-05:00

Note to Roy Keane: This one isn't your call, douchenugget. [EPL Talk]

I think the Philly franchise is already worth more than the KC Wizards. [100 Percent Soccer]

The ankle's not broken, but it's going to take four to eight weeks to fix his ego. [Soccer by Ives]

FIFA has a Master's program? What kind of student aid can I get? [Trinidad Express]

England might actually win an international competition. [Mirror]

And finally, I want to let you know that I'll be liveblogging the U.S.' World Cup Qualifier against Trinidad and Tobago starting at 7PM CDT. Hope you can join.

The game is open for business

2008-09-09T12:19:00.000-05:00

With the purchase of Manchester City and the summer of record-breaking transfer fees, many fans are bemoaning the commercialization of the Premier League. Their arguments are threefold.

1. Players' wages and transfer fees have risen to unfathomable levels, thus pricing out the common fan.

According to the BBC, player wages for last season registered at approximately £1.9 billion, an increase of almost 27% from the previous season. To offset these costs, season ticket prices have risen to an average of £590 for a middle-range seat as reported by the Guardian, or slightly more than £31/game.

I don't mean to sound snobby and elitist, but that's a big problem? For world-class entertainment I think it's a great deal. Plus, it prices out the hooligans and leads to a more family-friendly atmosphere, songs notwithstanding.

Is the problem simply the amount of money the players are making? Don't be jealous; it's not attractive.

2. The foreign ownership knows nothing of the team's and league's traditions.

I'm going to make an assumption, so please feel free to voice your disagreement, but I believe fans don't care the first bit if an owner can't name the 1978 squad but can deliver a title in 2008. What traditions are the owners supposed to follow, a history of underachievement, of being lovable losers? As long as the owners are following the rules, I see no moral quandary with being a fan of a team with a quick turnaround. Just get on the bandwagon before it happens.

3. England's national team has suffered from the influx of foreign talent.

Here's the logic as I understand it: clubs stifle young English talent by buying foreign players. To prevent this, the number of foreign players should be lowered, thus allowing English players to fully mature and become the superstars they're destined to be.

What. A load. Of crap.

According to this logic, English players become better by not playing against the best. If they're coddled long enough, they will magically get better just because they're English. If I were an English soccer player, I would be offended at this idea. To win the World Cup, the English have to beat the best players at the world in their primes, so what better preparation than to play against the best at every age level?

The young English players aren't blocked from playing against top competition. If they prove their worth either at lower-division clubs or on the youth/reserve squads, Premier League clubs will want their services, just the same as any other player. So will La Liga, Serie A and Bundesliga clubs, all of which provide world-class opposition and an opportunity to become a star.

Perhaps English players aren't getting the proper training at a younger age. If that is the case, the FA needs to change its policies, not the Premier League.

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We're not talking about healthcare or maintaining a healthy middle class or anything of actual importance: we're talking about soccer. Soccer is a game, played entirely for our amusement. Yes, some people make their living from this game, but none of those people will be adversely affected by the recent changes. If anything they have a chance to watch their salaries rise as well.

To those who long for the good ol' days, support a local club and forget about the Premier League. Everyone has a vote: it's in the wallet. Unless these billionaires are content to support their clubs with no money coming in, this pattern cannot continue. The fans keep the cycle alive by purchasing these season tickets and buying another jersey with every new sponsor or design. For those don't want to be a part of it, any lower-level club would love to have them as fans.

Globalization affects everyone, ~~including~~ especially soccer. The arguments for closing England's doors ring of bitterness and pining for a time long past, and the voices making them will fade more quickly than their memories. An open society cannot be closed, and those who try will fail and watch their dreams die.

Opening Whistle 9-9-08

2008-09-09T07:58:00.002-05:00

The only totally new stadium planned for the World Cup won't be ready for the Confederations Cup in 2009. [Planetizen]

Don Garber to give a State of the League-type speech at USC. No word if Will Ferrell will hand out orange slices halfway through. [100 Percent Soccer]

Senior Ladies' Night at AFC Sudbury (I don't know where it is, either). [The Dark Side of the Ball]

Kaka says he will never ask to leave AC Milan. [FourFourTwo]

Oh, wait, yes he will. [The Guardian via The Beautiful Game]

A different kind of uniform

2008-09-08T14:45:00.005-05:00

Ashley Young recently talked to the Aston Villa official site about his new teammates in that overtly in-house PR kind of way. However, Federation Soccer's Fashion Forensics Department unearthed a shocking discovery: Abercrombie & Fitch has overtaken the club! See for yourself how it has consumed Brad Friedel and James Milner.

Federation Soccer makes a halfhearted promise (with takebacks) to get to the bottom of this plague engulfing Villa Park.

Knock, knock

2008-09-08T10:16:00.000-05:00

In a parallel universe, Robinho was not sold from Real Madrid, so he was forced to choose another path...

Hello, my name is Robinho. I'd like just a few minutes of your time, but in return I promise I will give you that time back every single week. How? With the TsuperTsucker 3000 Deluxe! Nononono, please don't close the door, just five minutes and I promise you'll be hooked! Look, this model incorporates Tsunamic separation, the latest in Tsucking technology. In no time flat your home will be ready for your latest book club meeting, which is much more exciting than a Champions League watch party. Besides, if you order one now, I'll throw in an indoor/outdoor pump, perfect for getting those pesky grass clippings off your patio, especially if a helicopter happens to land nearby.

No, still not interested? Well, thank you for your time, and here's my card in case you change your mind. Have a great day!

/Door closes

Oh well, I'll get the next one. That next house has sale written all over it.

/Rings bell, door opens

Hi, my name is Robinho...

(h/t: Madrid Discussions and much thanks to Matt at Hardwood Paroxysm for the Photoshop)

Al Jazeera must be full of Villans

2008-09-08T08:54:00.002-05:00

I know how to stay safe if I ever go to the Middle East - just wear an Aston Villa jersey. [EUFootball.biz]

Opening Whistle 9-8-08

2008-09-08T07:22:00.000-05:00

Old guy prefers things the way they used to be. [FourFourTwo]

So he'll love how this story will likely end. [New Zealand Herald]

She married for love. Of course she did. [The Original Winger]

MLS crossing the line from "fashionably late" to "the host went to bed 20 minutes ago after everyone left." [Toronto Sun via du Nord]

Slammin' Mike Ashley, living up to his nickname. [Deuce of Davenport]

Sam's Army knows no bounds

2008-09-07T12:33:00.002-05:00

By now you know the U.S. scraped by Cuba 1-0 despite maintaining the vast majority of the possession. You also probably know about the fans who traveled to Cuba despite the current restrictions. But what would happen to them once they got to the game? Cuban fans, not to mention media outlets, would be swarming around them. How do they protect their anonymity? The most awesome way possible.

You guys are the coolest motherfunkers on the planet.

Picture blatantly stolen from The Beautiful Game.

Deep weekend thoughts

2008-09-06T11:35:00.002-05:00

It's a slow weekend, so time to consider the bigger picture. Like how much Cristiano Ronaldo makes while pinching a loaf.

Westward, ho!

2008-09-05T13:13:00.003-05:00

EPL Talk has a great post on Arsenal's relationship with Colorado Rapids and the recent impact it's had for the MLS side. I've been curious for some time now why other top European clubs aren't pitching tents in America. We have almost as many people in this country as England, France, Spain, Italy and Germany combined. I know this country is nowhere nearly as interested in soccer as the others, but I know we have the resources to develop more athletes than they do. West Ham recently came to Chicago but had no plans of sticking around.

Note to American owners of foreign clubs*: send coaches to develop youth academies. Not only will you possibly unearth the next star, but you'll also expand your brand into the country you live.

*Only applies to American owners who give a rat's ass about the club. Sorry, Scousers.

Opening Whistle 9-5-08

2008-09-05T10:52:00.004-05:00

You know you're hardcore when you break U.S. laws to watch a soccer game. [Grant Wahl]

Eddie Johnson is a straight balla and he wants everyone in Cuba who doesn't have electricity to know it. [The Offside Rules]

Rafa Benitez, always the optimist. [Telegraph]

Chivas de Guadalajara shows Sepp Blatter the true meaning of xenophobia. [Chicago Tribune via Du Nord]

Unibrow. Not to be confused with Unibroue, though in this case they're both Belgian. [The Offside]

My first celebrity guest!

2008-09-04T17:05:00.001-05:00

Let me make sure I get this right: Bayern Munich, a German club with German national team members, played a friendly against Germany?? I think I'm going to need an expert on German culture to explain this one to me. But where do I find one?

Perhaps I can be of some help.

Oh, absolutely! Thank goodness you're here. How in the world does this work? Wouldn't the German national team be pretty depleted without Miroslav Klose and Bifi Schweinsteiger? Or Bayern Munich...you know, since they play for both?

It was really more of a farewell game for Oliver Kahn. Plus, the German team got a tune-up before World Cup qualifying.

That's nice of Bayern to do something like that. But Klose, one of the country's starting strikers, played for Bayern instead of the national team. How does this help him gain rapport and timing with his countrymen?

It's very simple. You see, by separating his ties with where he came from, Klose is looking for freedom...

But he already did that when he decided to play for Germany despite being born in Poland and speaking Polish at home!

Guys like him...and me...can't be defined by a single nationality. He just loves to play the game. He's hooked on a feeling...

That makes no sense. Who decided which team Klose would play for?

OK, fine, you caught me, I have no idea. Let's go grab a beer.

Uhhh, I gotta run, but maybe next time.

No, wait, it's back on!

2008-09-04T15:56:00.003-05:00

Keegan gets tired of Mike Ashley's bullsh*t, walks out under his own power. Well done, Kevin. On the bright side, maybe this guy will get his shot after all.

This...this is just too awesome

2008-09-04T13:15:00.000-05:00

Player blogs can be boring, or they can be full of amazing goodness; there seems to be little middle ground. Shalrie Joseph, Federation Soccer welcomes you with open arms. Here's a few lines from his debut post:

I figure that if anybody not surrounded by the Red sea’s tide with fidelity to Fidel got a blog, then I need one 2. From my home island to the BK’s Crown Heights and to my current home in the greatest sports city ever, I am about to Spice things up, sit high up in my throne like the King, and start a Revolution that puts our name next to my fellow comPatriots in a town that has more titles than my namesake’s dreamcoat.

Mr. Joseph, you've already started a revolution. I've wondered for quite some time if Joseph was going to be the next MLS star whisked away to Europe. Now I hope he never leaves. We need him right here in America.

CONCACAF Champions Cup News

2008-09-04T10:44:00.002-05:00

It was the best of games; it was the worst of games. The two qualifying matches yesterday fell on opposite sides of the competitiveness spectrum as we inch closer to the group stages.

Puerto Rico Islanders and Alajuelense began the second leg tied at 1 but Alajuelense scored the all-important away goal in the fifth minute. The two teams slogged through some of the most rain-soaked pitch I've ever seen for the next 82 minutes before the Islanders struck back on a controversial goal. Alajuelense's keeper appeared to have control of the ball but Kendall Jagdeosingh swooped in and tied the game. Taiwo Atieno then found a loose ball at his feet after a free kick in the 89th minute to send Puerto Rico to the group round.

Hankook Verdes already found itself on the business end of a 6-0 scoreline after the first leg, but self respect was not necessary as they managed to lose by that score again...at home. 12-0 on aggregate, mmmm, tasty. I could actually count the fans still there by the end, but I can't say I blame them, especially once the rain started falling. Best part about the rain: it was clearly audible on FSC's broadcast. I actually thought it added a new dimension to my viewing experience. I hereby propose more audible rain in sports broadcasting.

Opening Whistle 9-4-08

2008-09-04T10:05:00.002-05:00

Napoli fans are not as affected by the energy crisis this season. [The Offside]

You mean they weren't getting ratings data before? No wonder they had so many crappy commercials. [EPL Talk]

It's sad watching rich folks complain. Wait, no, I meant funny as hell. [Soccerlens]

A great site for Americans who don't know the geography of the soccer nations they follow. So, all of us. [Bill Sports Maps]

The latest FIFA World Rankings. We're 28th, fine. But Croatia is really better than Brazil and Argentina? Really? [The Beautiful Game]

US Open Final

2008-09-03T21:00:00.001-05:00

DC United won their first trophy in four years as they outclassed Charleston Battery 2-1 in front of very enthusiastic fans at RFK Stadium. Luciano Emilio scored the opening goal in the fifth minute but immediately came out as he pulled a groin muscle. Ian Fuller struck back five minutes later and Charleston appeared to take control of the game but lacked the finishing punch for much of the night. Fred scored the winning goal in the 50th minute but I think United could have added at least one more. The finishing on both sides was lacking but United's possession in midfield proved to be the difference.

During the victory celebration, Bryan Namoff's medal fell off its ribbon. Leave your punchline in the comments.

It's like my junior year of college

2008-09-03T17:03:00.003-05:00

Watch the US Open Cup final tonight between DC United and Charleston. If anything else you'll get to watch the losing team drink beer out of a coffee pot. [The Offside]

CONCACAF Champions Cup Update

2008-09-03T11:35:00.001-05:00

Quick hits from Tuesday's CONCACAF Champions Cup:

- Joe Public embarrassed New England Revolution 4-0 to win 6-1 on aggregate, eliminating the Revs. Gregory Richardson scored a quality hat trick to put the Trinidad & Tobago side into Group C. If Richardson is around to put Joe Public into the Champions Cup next year I'll be shocked; he's far too talented not to get snatched up by an MLS squad.

- Chivas USA and Tauro FC drew 1-1 at Home Depot Center but it wasn't enough to keep Chivas from being eliminated 3-1 on aggregate. Now DC United and Houston Dynamo are the only MLS teams in the group stage.

- Montreal Impact, however, have advanced as a scoreless draw against Nicaraguan side Real Esteli gave them a 1-0 aggregate victory.

Tonight's Schedule:

Puerto Rico Islanders vs LD Alajuelense (11PM Eastern on Fox Soccer)
Hankook Verdes vs CD SC Cruz Azul (1AM Eastern on Fox Soccer)
CD Marathon vs AD Isidro Metapan

Update: Puerto Rico vs Alajuelense will be delayed to 1AM Eastern due to weather. The Hancook/Cruz Azul match will be shown live at 11PM.

Opening Whistle 9-3-08

2008-09-03T10:20:00.002-05:00

Martin O'Neill still clings to the quaint notion of value in the transfer market. [Express & Star]

Carlos Tevez and Anderson: They're just like us! [Deuce of Davenport]

All your British gossip in one new place...but how did he just learn about Heather Mitts? [The Dark Side of the Ball]

Alan Curbishley is out at West Ham because nobody listens to him. [The Offside]

Pies! NOOOOOOOOO!! [Who Ate All the Pies]