Roman Abramovich is his own navy

If you're worried about Russia because of Putin, you're looking the wrong way. Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich is building a $400 million yacht of yachts, named Eclipse because he wants his ship to eclipse every other ship on the sea. A few features:

- Armor plating and bulletproof glass in his cabin

- An escape submarine in case pirates board the ship

- A missile defense system

- I'm going to say it one more time. THE MAN HAS INSTALLED A M***********G MISSILE DEFENSE SYSTEM ON HIS PERSONAL BOAT

I'm going to take a wild guess, but methinks if you install such outlandish features on a boat it becomes, ironically enough, more likely someone will try to attack it. Of course, Abramovich has little to worry about: more than 70 former SAS soldiers will be on board to ensure Chelsea can continue to buy its way to another Premier League title.

WTF?

Image courtesy of Andrea Planet

Michael Ballack has a blog

And he's kind enough to post it in German AND English. He's the second professional player, after Alexandre Song, to post for Footbo, a soccer social networking site. Of course, he manages to say not one interesting thing, reverting to such cliches as, "We're confident of our abilities but we know it'll be hard work."

Michael, please. Just because a blog post has your name on it does not make it inherently awesome. There are plenty of other athletes who manage to give us some really good stuff, so I know it's possible. Hell, you're a German, living in England, playing on a team coached by a Brazilian and owned by a Russian. You probably have millions of stories that don't even involve hookers, so it's cool, you're safe.

Hopefully soon we will see a Premier League player who will tell us the kinds of things that go through a player's mind throughout the season and some (clean) inside intel. That player will be revered and hailed as a people's champion, especially when the skyrocketing price of tickets could make fans feel alienated and shut out. Step up, player to be named, and let us in. At the very least you'll likely get an extra marketing deal out of it.