Joe Kinnear to manage Newcastle...kind of

The sad tale of Newcastle under Mike Ashley has taken another bizarre twist. Ashley is so confident 1) he will sell the club soon and 2) the next owner will hate Ashley's selection of a manager, he has hired Joe Kinnear, former manager at Wimbledon and Nottingham Forest, but only through October.

In a statement made only to protect his family, Kinnear told BBC Radio, "the new owners have Kevin Keegan and possibly Alan Shearer parked around the corner."

Hopefully he will have enough time to employ the training methods he learned as manager of Nepal's national team. No confirmation as to whether Michael Owen will be chased by a yak to improve his conditioning.