September 2, 2008

Never doubt my sources

Before caving in to the unwashed masses, Slammin' Mike Ashley had criteria in place to help him select the next manager at Newcastle. Federation Soccer has blackmailed two flight attendants, bribed a janitor and browbeat a lion tamer in order to get this top-secret document. Without further ado:

1. Not a fantastic former player that will inspire the fanbase.
Out: Alan Shearer

2. Not an international manager with a track record of success.
Out: Roberto Donadoni
3. A 'man of the people' to show billionaire Slammin' Mike's common touch.
In: This Guy
He could have been a legend.

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